Blessings and "God's Time"

Caleb's near-death experience in January left me with a lot of emotional and spiritual trauma to work through. I prayed and studied the scriptures extensively, slowly identifying why I still felt so insecure even after Caleb's recovery. I realized several important things.

1. Subconsciously, I had expected my gospel living to result in specific blessings: a happy marriage, healthy and safe children, etc. Those expectations went unchallenged for a while, but then my two-week-old baby stopped breathing. And didn't really start breathing again for another 10 days.

2. As a result of those shattered expectations, I felt betrayed by God. This was hard to admit to myself. I knew He was still aware of me, but I was confused and hurt. Why had He allowed me to suffer when I had tried so hard to be righteous?

I thought of this as I watched the YA Face to Face on Sunday. One of the last questions echoed mine. Why are the righteous denied certain blessings? That young adult wanted to start a family, and I wanted health and security for mine. Pretty reasonable, righteous desires, and yet...

There's that concept of "time", and God's time. Among many other gospel topics that relate to this question, this was one of the topics I studied. Here are two scriptures that taught me and helped me find peace.

D&C 88: 42-44

42 And again, verily I say unto you, he hath given a ^alaw unto all things, by which they move in their ^btimes and their seasons;

43 And their courses are fixed, even the courses of the heavens and the earth, which comprehend the earth and all the planets.

44 And they give ^alight to each other in their times and in their seasons, in their minutes, in their hours, in their days, in their weeks, in their months, in their years—all these are ^bone year with God, but not with man.

All nature operates by laws. Nothing is arbitrary. That gives me peace. Those laws, including the passage of time, operate to "give light". That also brings me peace. And most of all, God's time is different than ours (Kolob, 1,000 years, and so forth...), which means He created our minutes, hours, and seasons specifically for this world. When I saw the passage of time as something God strategically created for us, my mind was opened to SO many reasons why it's vital for the development of my soul.

Acts 17: 26-27 

26 And hath ^amade of ^bone ^cblood ^dall ^enations of men for to dwell on all the face of the earth, and hath ^fdetermined the ^gtimes before ^happointed, and the ⁱbounds of their habitation;

27 That they should ^aseek the Lord, ^bif haply they might ^cfeel after him, and find him, though he be not far from every one of us:

Again, the reminder that God planned boundaries for us. Limits, moments of need... Our mortal experience is full of them. Their purpose, along with the purpose of the "times before appointed" is "that (we) should seek the Lord." When I felt hurt and betrayed, I did that, and I found Him in a deep, personal, powerful way.

The blessing of knowing Him is greater than the blessing I previously desired.

There are so many other scriptures about time. So many other topics and doctrines that can bring peace to a troubled heart. So many ways to interpret and apply the scriptures above. And SO many other questions. I love talking and thinking about all of it! What are your thoughts? Comment or reach out to me some other way :) I'd love to hear them.